Hogwarts, A Documentary
by Rialle
Summary: Join Hermione Granger as she leads you on a personal tour of Hogwarts! But things don't seem to go as smoothly as she planned...
1. Chapter One

Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling (I'm sure you all knew that though. XP) ****

Hogwarts, A Documentary

"Welcome to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I'm Hermione Granger and I will be your hostess for this tour." The Muggle camera gave a lurch and fell to the ground.

"Neville!" Hermione shouted.

"Oops! Sorry Hermione!"

"It's fine," said Hermione with a note of stress in her voice. "I just want this to be perfect. Professor Dumbledore is counting on me to represent the school." She pointed her wand at the fallen camera. "Returno." Neville caught it in his hands as it zoomed back up to him.

"All right. Let's take it from the top!" a familiar voice announced. Hermione turned around.

It was Ron, wearing stylish shades and a green beret. Harry followed behind him carrying what seemed to be a director's chair and megaphone.

"Ron? What are _you_ doing here?" Hermione asked with a great deal of surprise.

"I'm the director. Harry just set the chair up over there."

"What?"

"I'm the director," Ron repeated calmly. "Dumbledore said I could be."

"Well, I don't need a director, thanks. I'm sure I can handle this on my own!"

"What about me?" piped up Neville.

"Dumbledore said—"

"Well I don't—"

"Hold it!" Harry shouted, dropping the chair. Ron and Hermione stopped their bickering and looked at him. "Hermione, you're wasting more time by arguing with Ron. You could just let him help out, couldn't you?"

Hermione sighed. "You're right, Harry," she said quietly. "Ron, you can… be the director…"

"Yes! Thanks Hermione!"

****

* * *

"I'm here in Hogwarts Great Hall. This is where students eat meals and, more importantly, become sorted into one of four houses, Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, and Slytherin. The four original founders—"

"Cut! Uh, Neville that means stop. Okay, bring in the extras!"

"What?" Hermione exclaimed. "Extras?"

Five of their fellow Gryffindors, Fred, George, Ginny, Dean, and Seamus, marched into the hall. Fred was carrying a ratty, old wizard's hat and George was carrying a three-legged stool. 

"Huh? Wait Ron I know where this is going. You can't—"

"Relax Hermione. It'll be great. Just to spice it up a bit. To be honest, you talking is not the most exciting thing. Okay guys, you know what to do."

George placed the stool at the front of the hall. Fred placed the wizard hat on it.

"And action!"

Ginny walked up and sat on the stool. The hat was lowered onto her head. 

"Hmm… you seem like a brave individual," a voice said. For a moment Hermione thought it was the hat speaking but then she saw Dean Thomas. "You deserve to be in the best house… Gryffindor!"

"Ron! You're making my documentary biased!"

"Shush up, Hermione. We're still rolling!"

"Humph."

Next, Seamus took his place on the stool.

"Hmm… a hard worker. Extremely loyal… Hufflepuff!"

Now it was George's turn.

"Wow! What a genius! You're super smart and a bookworm! Ravenclaw!"

Finally Fred sat on the stool.

"Oh! You're an _evil_ wizard! There's only one place for _evil_ wizards lie you! Slytherin!"

"No! Not Slytherin! They're all a bunch of gits! I'll change, I promise!" pleaded Fred.

"Too late. I've made up my mind."

"Ron! I can't show Professor Dumbledore this!"

"Stop being such a worry-wart Hermione. Dumbledore has a sense of humour."

Hermione sighed. "I sure hope so…"

****

* * *

So what do you think so far? This is just a little sampler for you. Tell me what you think! 


	2. Chapter Two

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Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related characters belong to J.K Rowling. 

****

Hogwarts, A Documentary

Chapter Two

"I'm here on Hogwart's Quidditch Pitch. Our house Quidditch teams play here during the regular season…"

"Cut! Neville?"

"Oh. Sorry Ron."

"Alright. Harry?"

Harry nodded his head, mounting his Firebolt. He kicked off and rose high into the air. 

"Roll it!"

"Ron! What are-" Hermione sputtered.

"It's just to add some colour, Hermione," Ron said. "Keep going Harry!"

Harry flew around the pitch, looping around the goal posts and waving to an invisible crowd. 

"Release the bludger!" Ron ordered.

George was holding a small bat, ready to use it when trying to get the bludger back into it's case. Fred undid the straps that held back the small, black ball. It immediately took off and… hit Hermione square in the nose, knocking her down.

"Oops. Uh, sorry Hermione," Fred apologised.

"Didn't expect that," George admitted. 

"Hmm… wonder why it didn't go after Harry," Ron pondered. "Oh well. Neville, get a close up of her face. And you might want to call Madame Pomfrey."

* * *

"Here we are in greenhouse three," Hermione said, wincing slightly. Her nose was now heavily bandaged. "Herbology is one of the many subjects students take at Hog-"

"Cut! Bring in the dummy!" Ron shouted.

"Dummy!?"

Harry entered the greenhouse with a blown up doll slung over his shoulder. It was wearing a Hogwarts robe with that all too familiar serpentine logo stitched on the front pocket. .

"No. Ron, Dumbledore won't-" Hermione began.

"Trust me, Hermione. It'll be great. Okay? Harry?"

Harry winked at the camera and stuffed the dummy into the open mouth of the nearest Venomous Tentacular. In less than two seconds, the dummy was gone. All that remained of it was a piece of green thread that Harry held up in his hand.

"Get a close up of the string in Harry's hand."

Neville nodded. "Sure thing, Ron."

"No! Ron! You can't do this! You're ruining my documentary!" Hermione exclaimed stomping her foot. 

"Hermione, have I ever let you down?"

"Yes. Remember the time-"

"Uh, you weren't supposed to answer that. The point is this is going to be the best documentary the school has ever seen!"

"You had better be right!"

* * *

"Look at that mudblood Granger. She thinks she's sooo special, making a documentary for Dumbledore," Malfoy fumed.

He, Crabbe, and Goyle were crouched behind some bushes near the greenhouse. They had been spying on Hermoine the whole time. 

"Well today's her lucky day," he sneered. "We're going to help her."

"Uh, but wouldn't that be a good thing?" Crabbe asked, scratching his head in confusion. 

"No Goyle-"

"It's Crabbe."

"Whatever. We're going to help her in the bad kind of way."

Crabbe and Goyle smiled and started laughing.

"You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

"No sir," they admitted.

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What do you think? Any suggestions? Please review ^.~ 


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